


Once I Was Seven Years Old

by Cruel_Irony



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Tony Hutchinson's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 02:44:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16338308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cruel_Irony/pseuds/Cruel_Irony
Summary: Tony's return was just another one of Harry's problems.Missing scene, when Tony returns from his little runaway adventure.Fanfic I wrote weeks ago, back when this episode aired, finally got around to posting it. Title taken from 'Seven Years' by Lukas Graham.





	Once I Was Seven Years Old

“Ste, Dee Dee, which one is it gonna to be? Which one are you gonna use as an excuse today?” James asks, already knowing the answer. “I meant what I said. I love you, Harry.”

The words echo in Harry’s head. He could hear them, but not quite understand them. Why on Earth would James still love him? It was barely a year ago that he first heard the words, but it feels like longer. So much longer. Too much has happened since then. It’s impossible for Harry to keep track of everything. James, Dee Dee, Ste, the wedding, his dad, everything. It’s all too much.

Thankfully, he is spared having to reply by the rumble of the food truck’s engine. Both he and James turn their attention to Ste and —

“Dad?”

His dad gives an awkward half smile, and Harry can’t bring himself to smile either. After running out on them without a word, he expects to just waltz back in, to rejoin their family as if nothing happened. Ste, however, Harry notices out of the corner of his eye, is looking far too happy with himself for someone who did something he was specifically asked not to.

No one says anything, but Harry feels it the moment James leaves, taking his disappointment and half of Harry’s heart with him. Oh, how he wishes he could go with him. Spend everyday with James. Finally waking up next to him, cooking together side by side, watching countdown in the evenings. Instead of planning a wedding that causes dread to pool in his stomach at the very mention of it.

"What are you doing here?”

Tony took his time in answering, “Ste found me, convinced me that you all needed me here. He talked some sense into me.” Tony looked back at Ste, still as smug as ever, with fatherly affection and now it was jealousy making Harry feel sick.

His father’s own words still came back to him on occasion. Not all the time, and most days he can ignore it, but when he’s feeling particularly happy or complacent he remembers. You disgust me, Harry. You’re not capable of love. Cold, calculated, sadistic… I’m ashamed to call you my son. I don’t want to look at you anymore. I WANT YOU OUT! His dad grabbing his face, pushing him, manhandling him out of the house. In his darkest moments, Harry feels it all as if it were only yesterday.

Harry lets his dad wraps his arms around him, for the first time in months. Since well before Tony did a runner. “Well, I’m glad to have you back.” For Diane’s sake, and the kids. They need his dad, regardless of whether he deserves them or not, so it doesn’t matter that having Tony around makes it so much harder for Harry to do what he wants, his dad can stay. And he will be happy about.

“Right, Tony,” Ste interjects, “We’ve gotta get you to the hospital.” Ste and Tony lead the way and Harry follows.

It’s not as if he wants to hate his dad - and he doesn’t hate him, he loves him! But… that doesn’t have to mean it’s reciprocated. That’s what makes this so hard. Dad came back for Dee Dee and Ant and Diane, and because Ste asked him to, a cruel, little voice whispers in his head, not because of you. Not for your “wedding” or your problems. It’s driving Harry insane - so many reason to leave, but the love for his family is forcing him to stay.

As they approach the hospital, they spot Diane leaving, looking close to tears. Harry and Ste hang back, leaving them to their reunion - there is anger and tears and an apology. This is why his dad had to come back; Diane can’t do this on her own, not even with Harry, Ste, Tegan and Scott by her side. And this is why Harry can’t leave, because his family is already going through too much for him to drop everything to run off into the sunset with the man he loves.

Harry barely notices when Ste slips away. His dad and Diane had gone to talk about Dee Dee inside, and Harry was trying really hard not to think about how this was going to mess with his plans to be with James. Because there were plans. Not very well thought out, admittedly, but he’d run through scenarios in his head. From running away to Spain, to jilting Ste at the altar and immediately moving into James’ so he could avoid being thrown bodily out of his home by Ste or his dad, to standing up on a table in the Dog and declaring his undying love in the most dramatic way possible.

“Hey, I just dropped all your dad’s stuff off at the flat. There wasn’t much of it. But the main thing is he’s home again.” Ste returned, still buzzing from his latest good deed, and Harry brought his latest planned scene to mind.

“I asked you not to go after him. Diane told you not to go after him. Thank you… For not listening to us.” Harry puts on a smile - he’s getting good at these - and brings Ste in for a hug. Harry can’t help but find the body in his arms ill-fitting.

When they break apart, a prickling at the base of his neck has Harry spinning around. It felt like eyes watching him. Maybe it was a stranger? Or maybe James saw the hug, and now he should prepare for more complications.

How he wishes he could be seven again - oblivious to the identity of his father, having never gotten involved with anything or anyone in this village.


End file.
